How to set and maintain healthy work/life boundaries
I feel like I’m super late to the game here, but I’ve only recently discovered how powerful setting boundaries can be. I’ve been exploring this concept in more detail over the past few weeks and thought I would share my findings.
I spoke to friends and family who all have different careers, and asked them to answer a set of questions so I could understand more about how they set and maintain boundaries. I’ve also included some useful information from books and articles, which provide information on how to implement boundaries and apply them to your life and career.
I hope you find this useful, and can takeaway some handy tips to help optimise your work/life balance.
What my friends had to say about boundaries…
I reached out to some friends to learn more about how they set and maintain work/life boundaries. I asked them all the same five questions:
Sarah
How do you decide on boundaries?
This is something I really struggle with. Recently, having started with a leadership coach, I’ve gotten better at considering what the benefit of a certain task is to me immediately, tomorrow and next week. This is starting to help shift my mind frame.
How do you implement them?
Largely I don’t, I’m enabled by working from home and my boyfriend bringing me tea, coffee and dinner.
How do you stick to them?
I’ve started seeing my sanity (and relationships) start to deteriorate because I don’t set or stick to boundaries.
Have you ever been challenged for having certain boundaries?
Yes – more often challenged for not having them, for not ‘looking after myself’. This comes from people within my business who push for outputs which are unrealistic to achieve with boundaries in place.
How do you overcome these challenges?
I struggle a lot. I am trying to set more realistic expectations on work load from the start of a task or conversation.
Kassandra
How do you decide on boundaries?
Have a fair and equal approach so assess others' boundaries and follow suit or suggest ones that work for all i.e. no obligation to reply to late night emails
Have worked flexibly for 4 years now and generally fit my work in between 8-6pm which works with suppliers and customers
I don't connect with people on Linkedin that I don't like at work, I'll go as far as to ignore requests so I don't have to risk working with them
Weekends are a no go area, I don't look at emails at the weekend
How do you implement them?
Put in working hours on my calendar with OOO for hard finishes
No notifications on my phone email app or I did have separate work phone ( only the inner circle have the personal number)
Laptop away evenings and weekends
How do you stick to them?
Pretty well, I know if something is really urgent then the right people can get in touch, everything else can wait till I've logged on
Have you ever been challenged for having certain boundaries?
“I couldn't reach you by phone” - they can ALWAYS leave a message
How do you overcome these challenges?
Suck it up unfortunately.
Also just get into a rhythm with certain people, line managers
Lucinda
How do you decide on boundaries?
Having a global team means it is easy to be ‘online’ all the time with emails coming in from Asia from the early hours and in to the evening from the US. With our headquarters in the UK, I allow a degree of flexibility over my core hours in order to effectively respond to the international teams.
How do you implement them?
I have a separate work phone which allows me to be as available as I choose outside of my working day/at the weekend. It gives me the flexibility to reply to early morning or late emails without having to be chained to my laptop or be in the office all the time.
How do you stick to them?
For my own peace of mind I take my work phone with me anywhere I would have my personal phone but being able to leave this in my bag or in another room keeps a degree of separation between my personal correspondence and work.
Have you ever been challenged for having certain boundaries?
I enjoy having an international team and working for a global company, so being available isn’t a challenge for me personally and the above (I hope) means my family and friends know I can be present with but, also that if required I will have to check in from time to time. Doing that actually makes me less stressed than completely removing myself!
How do you overcome these challenges?
Not that I can think of. I’m happy with the balance I’ve created and those closest to me respect the work/life boundaries I’ve created.
“Know what’s most important to you and protect it”
A friend sent me an article about how to set and maintain personal boundaries. I found this article to be very insightful, so I’ve extracted the key details - unfortunately there was no author on the article, so I couldn’t provide a reference!
Personal boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves within relationships. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to others.
Know your limits
Before becoming involved in a situation, know what’s acceptable to you, and what isn’t. It’s best to be as specific as possible, or you might be pulled into the trap of giving just a little bit more, over and over, until you’ve given too much.
Know your values
Every person’s limits are different, and they’re often determined by their personal values. For example, if you value family above all else, this might lead to stricter limits on how late you stay at work. Know what’s most important to you and protect it.
Listen to your emotions
If you notice feelings of discomfort or resentment, don’t bury them. Try to understand what your feelings are telling you. Resentment, for example can often me traced to feelings of being taken advantage of.
Have self-respect
If you always give in to others, ask if you are showing as much respect to yourself as you show to others. Boundaries that are too open might be due to misguided attempts to be liked, by elevating other people’s needs above your own.
Have respect for others
Be sure that your actions are not self-serving, at the expense of others. Interactions should not be about winning, or taking as much as possible. Instead, consider what’s fair to everyone, given the setting and relationship. You might “win”, but at the cost of a relationship’s long-term health.
Be assertive
When you know it’s time to set a boundary, don’t be shy. Say “no” respectfully, but without ambiguity. If you can make a compromise while respecting your own boundaries. This is a good way to soften the “no” while showing respect to everyone involved.
Consider the long view
Some days you will give more than you take, and other days you will take more than you can give. Be willing to take a longer view of relationships, when appropriate. But if you’re always the one who’s giving or taking, then there might be a problem.
Applying boundaries to your career
Boundaries are vital when it comes to work. I certainly struggle with setting and maintaining boundaries with my career - as someone who is self-employed, I am constantly thinking about work. I love my job, but it’s still possible suffer from burnout even when you are fulfilled and enjoy your career.
The steps below outline how to avoid burnout and set boundaries at work. These are so simple, yet often overlooked, methods to ensure you look after yourself. I’ve decided to write the steps from ‘ways to avoid burnout’ and stick them on a post-it above my desk, as a constant reminder to keep my boundaries in check.
Ways to avoid burnout:
Don’t allow one day of vacation to time to go unused.
Make time for yourself outside of work
Take your lunchbreak away from your desk
Prioritise time for yourself either before or after work
How to set boundaries at work:
Identify areas where boundaries are needed
If at all possible, do your work at work/only during working hours
Give yourself permission to have boundaries at work
Don’t let issues go too far before you decide to set boundaries
Teach others how to respect your boundaries by being consistent with respecting yourself.
We live in a world where we can be online 24/7 and it’s vital to know when to step away from the laptop and switch off. Setting healthy boundaries is not only beneficial for your mental health, but they also benefit your relationships with friends and family. Your physical health will also undoubtedly see an improvement - I’m no medical professional but I’ve noticed the benefits of spending less time hunched over a desk and staring into a computer screen!
I hope this has been an interesting read! Drop me an email or leave a message in the comment section below to let me know how you set and maintain boundaries.